You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room. You just need to be able to kill everyone else in the room, so you’re the smartest person left.
Rage is overrated. Sure, being covered with the blood, sweat, saliva, and entrails of one’s enemies might be fun from time to time, but the cleaning costs alone can eat up a big chunk of a franchise’s profits. Running half-naked through grimy dungeons? Cathartic for sure. Hygienic? Not so much.
Strength, endurance, and fighting don’t necessarily have to come from unresolved childhood issues or a brooding, roiling well of anger. Primal instincts are valuable, but there are plenty of primal forces in the world—including the unrestrained drive for wealth, power, and everything that comes with it.
¶ Barbarians in the Corporate World
For every CEO building up or bringing down businesses, it’s a safe bet that there’s a barbarian standing behind them. Often literally, with a large weapon in hand, and waiting for the order to go out and remove vital organs from another CEO. Corporate barbarians are the muscle behind the civil face of a franchise. It’s not that they enjoy losing their composure and having to make other people’s nice clothes all bloody, but some circumstances require carefully applied martial force. And others require the same thing, but with a lot less care.
¶ Sending a Clear Message
As a barbarian in an Acquisitions Incorporated campaign, you’re not all about killing. Maiming and disfigurement are also a big part of the job. Permanently eliminating someone who owes your franchise money or who double-crossed you on a deal sends a short, clear message. But leaving them hobbling when they walk or incapable of eating without a team of specialists sends a glorious, evocative poem—the kind of violent sonnet that resonates not just with the recipient, but with bystanders as well.
To maximize the power of your intimidation, you need to make sure the world knows who’s delivering it. That’s why you employ a tool of your trade: the signature item. Whenever you’re particularly proud of a completed project, you leave an item at the scene to claim the work as your own.
¶ Signature Items
| d10 | Item |
|---|---|
| 1 | A tooth from a previous victim, wrapped in a silk handkerchief |
| 2 | A calling card with your name on it |
| 3 | A quick charcoal sketch of your victim, done in your own hand |
| 4 | Petals from your favorite flower |
| 5 | Six drops of blood, either your own or someone else’s |
| 6 | A carved ivory die with an eye instead of a pip on the 1 face |
| 7 | A copper coin bearing the likeness of a reaper |
| 8 | A tiny vial containing a few drops of the homemade ale you’re so proud of |
| 9 | A riddle, joke, or verse |
| 10 | An IOU, accompanied by you taking something from the victim |
¶ Style Makes the Raider
Your savage kin of the wilds sport tattoos to celebrate their connection to their tribes or ancestors. They might wear fetishes or carry totems symbolizing their allegiance to ancestral spirits. That’s cute and all, but you have your own style. Whether in the boardroom or on the battlefield, you announce your presence. When you stride into a fight, people say, “There’s a force to be reckoned with! And who does their tailoring?!”
¶ Barbarian Style
| d10 | Style |
|---|---|
| 1 | A fur-lined, double-breasted suit with a corporate logo on the pocket |
| 2 | A hand-woven turban from a master tailor of Calimshan |
| 3 | Soft leather boots with a notable personal symbol etched into the side |
| 4 | A pair of suspenders made from the hide of a displacer beast |
| 5 | A gold belt buckle depicting the Dwarvish rune for chaos |
| 6 | A specially tailored belt pouch that you wear at the small of your back |
| 7 | Stylish mirrored spectacles |
| 8 | A specially dyed tunic containing all the colors of the rainbow in a swirled pattern |
| 9 | An overcoat with numerous pockets and leather patches on the elbows |
| 10 | Golden grillwork for your teeth, set with small gems that mark out ancient glyphs translating as “Getting Paid” |
¶ Walking a Different Path
Seeming a “square peg” for the task at first glance, a barbarian might be an excellent choice, as they would destroy both the round hole and their own corners in the attempt to serve. It would be neat to see if this worked outside of an analogy.
— K’thriss Drow’b
Acquisitions Incorporated barbarians walk a different path than their kin of the wild lands. Or, more precisely, they walk familiar paths in unique and novel ways.
¶ Path of the Ancestral Guardian
Rather than calling upon the spirits of your ancestors, you are in communion with the franchise executives and corporate raiders who have traveled your path before. These paragons of commerce still exist in the spirit world, bemoaning their losses and looking to balance their debts in the afterlife by providing guidance to others. Sometimes these spirits appear as officious clerks reminding you of expense accounts and budgets. Other times, they are fellow heavies and knee breakers who died in the line of duty, sarcastically calling out your mistakes in a misguided effort to be of assistance.
| d6 | Spirit Guardian |
|---|---|
| 1 | A half-orc enforcer called Joey Plantain, missing his right arm |
| 2 | A disgraced tax collector named Nibbin Clutchquill |
| 3 | An overly enthusiastic morale liaison called Apricot Reese |
| 4 | A grumpy dwarf carriage driver nicknamed Bolt |
| 5 | A pair of identical twin circus performers called Stella and Bella |
| 6 | An elf bodyguard known as Mistress Leafwind |
¶ Path of the Totem Warrior
Unlike your wilder cousins, your connection to the spirit world is a little less woodsy and a little more civilized. However, that doesn’t mean you still can’t invoke the power of a totem creature when you need it. Rather than calling upon the bear, eagle, or wolf as your totem, you might gain the same features by calling upon more urban creatures.
| Totem Animal | Urban Replacements |
|---|---|
| Bear | Otyugh, giant spider |
| Eagle | Crow, flying snake |
| Wolf | Giant rat, giant fire beetle |
¶ Path of the Zealot
You might not be particularly faithful, but your dedication to your job can easily be mistaken for a kind of religious zeal. For long years, that dedication has been a force that guides you, granting you abilities beyond those of other skilled warriors. Rather than worshiping Tempus or Bane, Gruumsh or Tyr, you instead bow down before the altar of your own superiority, channeling your ego to drive your franchise’s success.