I have faith in the power of the marketplace, and I see a lot of nonbelievers out there with money to spend.
If you think wading through scores of undead in a haunted crypt or channeling divine power to keep your party alive gets the adrenaline flowing, you should try keeping the peace at a corporate board meeting. Or managing the hostile takeover of a rival. Try negotiating merchandising rights. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Thankfully, your business acumen draws on insight that’s literally out of this world. As an emissary of divine will, you possess the guiding wisdom that every franchise needs, and the knowledge that your business plans are always the best ones. Because the gods would never let you down, right?
Despite their supposed wisdom, many common clerics fail to grasp the simple concept of using the best tool for the job. To the devoted priest of Tempus, every problem is just begging to be solved by a formal declaration of war. A cleric of Bane has never met a minion they couldn’t wait to kick around. Lathander’s clerics are all sunshine and happiness, even when they should be hiding in dark places to avoid danger.
As a cleric in an Acquisitions Incorporated campaign, you’ll carefully choose your deity so that the domains of your divine patron synergize seamlessly with the goals of your franchise. But at the same time, you understand that the greatest thing about the gods is their prolificacy. With so many deities in so many pantheons, all of them have their own stock to sell. As such, even though you have your own personal favorite, you’ve also learned the value of diversifying your divine portfolio, keeping an array of holy symbols and icons on hand for any occasion.
From the most notable nobles to the most humble members of the working class, everyone needs faith and spiritual guidance. And what better way to teach the value of faith to others than to make sure the value of faith is measured in gp. In addition to your franchise’s regular operations, you always keep a sideline going in religious paraphernalia, selling specialized signature items to select markets. By showing the world that faith is your business, you can ensure that business is always booming.
| d8 | Relic |
|---|---|
| 1 | Saint’s-thighbone walking stick (50 gp) |
| 2 | Do-it-yourself indulgence kit (10 gp) |
| 3 | Holy-water-brewed ale (20 gp) |
| 4 | Deva wing-feather bookmark (10 gp) |
| 5 | Deity-autographed holy symbol (100 gp) |
| 6 | Scratch-and-sniff icon (5 gp) |
| 7 | Planetar shaving set (15 gp) |
| 8 | Unexpurgated holy texts with all the really naughty bits (10 gp) |
You might pray for your spells each day at dawn, by the dark of the moon, or whenever the fighter kicks you awake to tell you your long rest is done, get healing already! Either way, it’s good to incorporate a regular ritual into your daily devotions.
| d8 | Ritual |
|---|---|
| 1 | Fifteen minutes of deity-mandated calisthenics |
| 2 | Handwriting a detailed agenda for the next 24 hours |
| 3 | Sitting in silence for 15 minutes, while screaming “Shut up!” at anyone who makes noise |
| 4 | Sleep another hour; your deity says it’s fine |
| 5 | Burning incense and lighting a candle on a makeshift altar while you recite your vows |
| 6 | Practicing battle forms and stances |
| 7 | Creating a new likeness of your deity out of whatever materials you have on hand |
| 8 | Drinking a lot of wine (sacramental, of course) |
Every cleric has a uniquely personal connection to their deity. You are no exception, though you like to think you bring your own special flair to the relationship, and vice versa.
| d10 | Relationship |
|---|---|
| 1 | Your deity possesses you and speaks through your lips, and you need someone else to take notes. |
| 2 | You see your deity’s signs in the movements of creatures, the changing weather, the shapes of buildings, other stuff. |
| 3 | In secret, you curse the burden your deity has placed on you. |
| 4 | You wonder often if you’re worthy of your deity’s gifts. |
| 5 | You’re convinced your deity isn’t all-knowing, because they clearly have no idea what you really get up to. |
| 6 | Your deity gives you power and you give them glory—at any cost. |
| 7 | Those other clerics don’t love your deity like you do. |
| 8 | You were raised religious, but you only really go to church on the high holidays. |
| 9 | Your deity’s grace gives you peace. Their anger drives your fury. |
| 10 | You’ve got buyer’s remorse, and you’re wondering if this is really the deity for you. |
Name a more iconic profession. I’ll wait.
— Omin Dran
Faerûn is full of pantheons and deities, some of more relevance and power than others. All those deities and their servants can be found in an Acquisitions Incorporated campaign, but a few select gods, goddesses, and otherworldly powers might play a larger role.
This dwarven deity of greed gets a bad rap. Because seriously, greed is just another form of the fundamental urge for survival. If gold is power and power is life, then the more gold you accumulate, the better and longer your life will be. Why is it that people who have money and power are admired and respected, yet people who stop at nothing to attain money and power are “avaricious” or “materialistic” or “felons”? Abbathor might be looked down upon and called evil for the lengths his followers sometimes go to in the pursuit of wealth, but the power he represents is the end goal of many an Acquisitions Incorporated franchise.
When they coined the phrase “making a deal with the devil,” this is the devil they were talking about. The Lords of the Nine Hells are the original CEOs of some of the multiverse’s most profitable megacorporations, and Asmodeus is their master. If you want a model for efficiency and motivation in an organization, look no further than the infernal expanse of Nessus. You want to talk about a perfect sales pitch and a diabolically intricate contract? Asmodeus has you covered. Many civilized nations don’t even count worshiping Asmodeus as a crime, unless you get into those nasty side trips of humanoid sacrifice and the like. But as long as you remain cognizant of not wanting to throw away potential customers that way, how much risk of going down that path could there be?
Death is a serious business. Literally. Jergal is a lesser deity who works alongside Kelemvor, the god of the dead. But whereas Kelemvor sees to the more metaphysical side of death, Jergal sees to the details. Where did sweet Nana want to be buried? What rites did your dearly departed love want performed? And how much of a donation to the church will you be making to see those things done? As an Acquisitions Incorporated cleric devoted to Jergal, you understand that there are only two sure things in this world: death, and getting paid to do something with the body.
The Lady of Joy brings merriment, happiness, and fun to the world. And there’s nothing people will pay more for than merriment, happiness, and fun. As a cleric worshiping Lliira, you open yourself up to become a vessel for the goddess’s joy—for a price, of course. Because surely, if joy sustains the soul just as food sustains the body, then there’s nothing wrong with making a bit of profit from happiness.
The Master of All Thieves is an important deity for Acquisitions Incorporated characters to be aware of. Mask is the god of acquisition, after all, and governs the secrets that any successful Acq Inc franchise will be dealing in. Whether personal, professional, or business-related, secrets are an important component of gaining leverage over others. Moreover, your successful franchise will eventually have many secrets of its own that you desperately need to keep quiet.
Everyone knows the adage that knowledge is power, but no one believes it more than the worshipers of Oghma. As a follower of the god of inspiration, invention, and knowledge, you seek knowledge for its own sake. But as a member of Acquisitions Incorporated, you understand further that knowledge is just the first component of any business plan, and that turning knowledge into power requires a consistent amount of the follow-up action that your franchise is famous for.
The wise know that people are defined by their desires as much as anything else, and the Princess of Passion is the patron of desires. In the battle of logic versus passion, it’s passion that guides mortals and gods more often than not. As an Acquisitions Incorporated cleric of Sune, your intimate understanding of passion—or, better yet, your skill at manipulating the passions of others—can be a huge boon to the operation of a successful franchise.
Luck is a lady tonight! And, as it turns out, every night. The goddess of fortune is known as Lady Luck, and every adventurer knows the importance of keeping luck on their side. As a pragmatic Acq Inc cleric of Tymora, you know that only stupid people ask the rhetorical question, “Would you rather be lucky or good at something?” Because no matter how good you are, you’ll eventually have the bad luck of facing off against someone who’s a whole lot better. When that happens, good luck is the only thing that’s going to save you.
The Coinmaiden is the de facto patron of anyone who trades goods or services for payment. And thankfully, her relative ambivalence toward the laws underlying fair trade and honoring deals makes Waukeen a perfect fit for an Acquisitions Incorporated cleric. Regardless of your best intentions, ensuring the success of your franchise means eventually having to gingerly step across some ethical or moral line. Or having to hide the fact that your franchise companions have been busy erasing the line completely.