Some call the unseen energy flowing through all things “ki.” I call it the invisible hand of the marketplace. Now let’s negotiate your surrender.
Ki is a magical energy that fills the space between all things in the multiverse. Monks tap into that energy through spiritual and martial training, meditation, and contemplation. And punching and kicking. And more punching and kicking. And maybe a head-butt for good measure.
Monks in an Acquisitions Incorporated campaign find a way to integrate a typical ascetic life with the grandeur, majesty, and over-the-top business focus of their franchise. History (real and fantasy) has shown that monasteries don’t always shy away from engaging in profitable enterprises. As such, your Acquisitions Incorporated monk likely brings their old monastery’s entrepreneurial spirit with them—along with new ideas to energize that spirit even more.
¶ Stances for Success
Part of your martial training as a monk sees you adopting a variety of stances during combat. These stances help focus your mind, confuse your enemies, and relieve that strain on your lower back.
| d8 | Stance |
|---|---|
| 1 | Incontinent Elder — Standing straight, knees together (excellent for surviving those long queues) |
| 2 | Addled Adder — Lying flat on the ground (perfect when attempting to hide) |
| 3 | Ponderous Pudding — Collapsed in a heap (useful when trying to disguise yourself as a drunken fool) |
| 4 | Frightened Gnome — Curled in the fetal position (excellent when about to take a lot of damage) |
| 5 | Ambitious Student — Standing with one armed raised (useful when trying to be seen) |
| 6 | Boisterous Brewmaster — Hand raised as if making a toast (excellent at preventing being slapped) |
| 7 | Hardy Harpy — Arms flapping wildly while singing (inspires people to leave you alone, and good for cooling off on hot days) |
| 8 | Broken Bridge — Face down on the ground with knees bent and posterior up (reduces visibility to foes in front, and makes a useful ramp for allies to jump off) |
¶ By the Book
The writings of famous monks of the past sometimes become holy texts that come to define entire monastic traditions. The monks of your monastery have dedicated their training and their lives to the insight gleaned from an ancient monastic tome.
¶ Ancient Tomes
| d10 | Tome |
|---|---|
| 1 | Gambling with the Gods |
| 2 | Plowshares into Swords |
| 3 | The Poetry of Flumphism |
| 4 | Monsters are People Too |
| 5 | Oracles of the Future |
| 6 | The Sociable Hermit |
| 7 | The Enigma of Air |
| 8 | The Compendium of Limitless Space |
| 9 | The Organic Sun and Moon Cookbook |
| 10 | Life is Endless Calamities, What Are You Going to Do About It? |
¶ Ascetic Business Practices
Plenty of monasteries turn out business-minded monks. After all, it’s not money that’s the root of all evil; it’s the love of money. So if you just like money — you know, as a friend — then it’s all good! Many Acq Inc franchises actively try to recruit monks into entrepreneurship, knowing of their reputation for versatility both in and out of combat. If you hail from a particularly profitable monastery, you won’t need to be convinced of the benefits of a well-run business—you’ll already be on board.
¶ Commercial Monasteries
| d10 | Monastery |
|---|---|
| 1 | Monastery of the Eternal Spirits (legendary distillers) |
| 2 | House of the Upright Arches (creators of quality footwear) |
| 3 | Dome of the Curious Quill (makers of parchment, ink, and writing quills) |
| 4 | Crystal Bastion (makers of crystal goblets and ornaments) |
| 5 | Monastery Actuary (underwriters of reasonably priced insurance policies) |
| 6 | House of Hot Ki (delicious barbecue take-out) |
| 7 | Sage’s Retreat (custom research services) |
| 8 | Monastery of the Wayward Grape (vintners of fine wines) |
| 9 | Spider’s House Retreat (drow trainers of giant spiders as mounts and companions) |
| 10 | Hall of Mysteries (investigators for hire) |
¶ Nontraditional Traditions
In my experience, hiring a monk skilled in the art of peaceful arbitration is the only way to attempt to defuse the rather concussive methods of negotiation employed by many Acquisitions Incorporated franchisees. And if it comes to it, a monk will at least ensure that the concussions are fairly distributed.
— Rosie Beestinger
The diversity of monk traditions makes those traditions different from each other in abilities as well as in attitude. And since an Acquisitions Incorporated franchise runs mostly on attitude, it’s important for the philosophy of a monk’s monastic tradition to mesh with the philosophy of the franchise.
¶ Way of Shadow
Monks following the Way of Shadow fill an important role in an Acq Inc franchise: that of an infiltrator. As a shadow monk, you’re likely more adept than even a rogue at moving around without being seen, slipping into dangerous places unnoticed, and getting away with no one the wiser as to what you’ve stolen. And it’s a safe bet that your fellow franchisees will quickly learn to search the shadows before they say something they don’t want you to hear.
¶ Way of the Drunken Master
The most dangerous adventurer in the room is the one that no one knows is an adventurer. As a monk who follows the Way of the Drunken Master, you excel at keeping your true threat level under wraps. Your ability to literally spend days hanging out at the tavern and never be noticed makes you a valuable addition to any franchise that needs to keep its collective eyes and ears on happenings in town. Plus, you’re a guaranteed riot at company parties!
¶ Way of the Four Elements
Most enemies who take on a monk expect to get a few punches or kicks for their trouble. So when flames, cold, and thunder come streaking toward them instead, they’ll never know what hit them. As a monk of the Way of the Four Elements, you combine the striking power of a typical monk with the versatility of a wizard. Especially in a franchise without a dedicated combat spellcaster, your elemental affinity comes in handy.
¶ Way of the Kensei
Monks following the Way of the Kensei often appear to care more about their weapons than they care about the people around them. Because they do. As a monk following that tradition, you make a perfect fit for a martial-focused franchise. Your skill with weapons makes you an asset in combat, and your practical knowledge makes trading in arms a natural sideline. For you, battle is business and business is always booming.
¶ Way of the Open Hand
It’s always nice to have someone in a franchise who can slap an enemy so hard that they shrivel up and die several days after the characters have left town and arranged their alibis. As a monk following the Way of the Open Hand, you know that others think of you as a mysterious figure. You might sit by yourself for hours on end, humming strangely. You might say weird things that you expect others to treat as great wisdom. Frankly, as long as your fellow franchisees can count on you to break skulls when necessary, you can probably get away with anything.
¶ Way of the Sun Soul
Many benevolent monks have a reputation for being all punching and sunshine. As a Sun Soul monk, you epitomize this reputation. Except for the benevolent part. Whenever a fight is in need of area-effect damage, your fellow franchise members understand that you’re their best friend in the world. And if your reputation for exploding in anger (literally) makes for easier negotiations with suppliers and business rivals, so much the better.