Yes, I can get you inside that vault. I can locate that secret treasure you’re all hyped up about. I can get you out with no collateral damage. I’m fine if you care less about the “no collateral damage” thing. Now let’s get down to business.
The utility that a wizard brings to an Acquisitions Incorporated operation is obvious to franchise members, staff, clients, and rivals alike. Defensive spells, arcane travel rituals, eldritch utility magic — a wizard does it all. Plus, they’ll blow things up when needed. And not surprisingly, things in an Acq Inc campaign need to get blown up a lot.
It’s easy to make the case that arcane magic is the most valuable component in any franchise business plan or strategic road map. And as a wizard, you’re the premium vendor of advantageous arcane services. Just make sure that staff and intern contracts have strong language regarding the risk of friendly fire. But in the small print, way down there at the bottom.
¶ Eldritch Utility
Though wizard encompasses a single class, the study of arcane magic lends itself to a broad range of specialization. As such, it’s not enough to simply dedicate yourself to being the best wizard you can be. It’s about figuring out which wizardly path best addresses your franchise’s potential needs.
Enchanters and illusionists in the service of a franchise can boggle the minds of enemies and allies. Transmuters, conjurers, and necromancers ensure that franchise members always have the right tool or monster for the job. Abjurers and diviners can help avoid catastrophic events before they happen. And evokers and war mages? No one needs to be reminded of the simple yet devastating majesty of a fireball spell. Well, they don’t need to be reminded more than once.
¶ Nightmare Magic
Your use of magic is always clean and precise. Still, tapping directly into the Weave to reshape reality or burn it to the ground has an eventual effect on the mind, and your sleep is often haunted by a recurring nightmare whose indelible images you cannot shake.
¶ Lingering Nightmares
| d6 | Nightmare |
|---|---|
| 1 | You stand atop a cliff as an apocalyptic sea monster emerges and begins painting the world around you with a brush in each tentacle. You cannot escape its attention, but wake up just before you are recolored. |
| 2 | You dream about walking on pieces of paper, each of which is scribed with the word “eggshells.” This is written in multiple languages, some of which you can’t read. |
| 3 | You are giving the most important presentation of your career, and the magic you are using to create an impressive visual display has gone haywire. It now displays an illusory image of you wearing nothing but a strategically placed scarf. |
| 4 | A franchise staff member has gained a huge inheritance and retired. A note signed by you indicates that you withdrew the same huge amount of cash from company accounts the day before, but you have no memory of doing so. |
| 5 | You feel the pleasant tickling of feathers, then look up to find a cockatrice preening on your chest. |
| 6 | All your pockets have been torn open, but you can’t stop placing valuable objects in them. Each time an object falls out of a pocket, you pick it up, then put it in a pocket again. |
¶ Learning from the Best
Over the long years of study it took you to become a wizard, the arcane master you studied under left an indelible mark on you. Possibly a physical one. Kind or cruel, exacting or eccentric, this teacher shaped you during your apprentice days in profound and probably disturbing ways. Whether a typical mage wearing a pointy hat and dwelling in a remote tower, a bespectacled bookworm lurking in a dusty library, or an eldritch maniac with personal habits you’re not comfortable talking about, your master made you the wizard you are today.
¶ Arcane Masters
| d8 | Master |
|---|---|
| 1 | Philia Fjor, a half-elf abjurer who baked cupcakes that functioned as potions. |
| 2 | Oghhga, a mute half-orc diviner who beat her unsuccessful students to death with rocks. |
| 3 | Impler Rickys, a gnome transmuter who lived under a bridge and worked for candied beets and honey peanuts. |
| 4 | Dame Melna Rothburntonberryville, a 238-year-old elf croquet player and evoker, and hero of the first, second, third, fifth, and sixth Troll Wars. (She was out on maternity leave during the fourth.) |
| 5 | Fernstern Drockburn, a deep gnome ventriloquist and conjurer, and his “dummy” Vinceroy, an imp familiar in a puppet suit. |
| 6 | Loa Hatt, a tiefling illusionist and cobbler, whose rumored dealings with devils led to many jokes about fixing soles while destroying souls. |
| 7 | Reni the Hare, a halfling enchanter with an odd fondness for carrots. You ate a lot of carrots as an apprentice. You don’t much like carrots anymore. |
| 8 | Sylvester Delague, a human necromancer whose greatest possession was a portrait painted by an ex-student, said to capture his green eyes perfectly. In truth, Sylvester was color-blind, and the portrait’s eyes are bloodshot red. No one ever told him. |
¶ Matriculating from the Schools of Magic
No wizard will ever take offense to a polite round of applause from the rest of the party after a particularly well-crafted spell.
— Jim Darkmagic
With so many schools of magic available to wizards, each type of specialization brings a different set of skills and strengths to a franchise. Your chosen school can help define your role in the business, as well as your fellow franchise members’ expectations for you.
¶ Abjuration
Protective magic is often underappreciated by the members of the lesser character classes, with their focus on dealing the most damage in the flashiest way possible. But in an Acquisitions Incorporated franchise, where property and real estate need protection as much as the party members, your role as an abjurer is always greatly appreciated. Just don’t make the rookie mistake of protecting everybody else before you take care of yourself and the goods. And if you need to reserve some spell slots before the rest of the party has been made sufficiently invulnerable? Hey, that’s what potions are for.
¶ Conjuration
The ability to make something from nothing is the greatest business plan ever developed — and that plan has your name all over it. As a conjurer, your utility to your franchise knows no bounds, whether you’re creating the right tool for the job, summoning creatures for scouting or guard duty, or using dimension door to slip away from a deal gone bad. The hard part of that last one is always figuring out which of your franchise mates you’ll bring with you. Who’s been particularly nice to you lately?
¶ Divination
Seers and soothsayers abound in the world, but most ply their trade only to take advantage of the credulous and the desperate. You possess the true gift of the diviner, able to tap into the flow of time to read portents of the future. Your divinations help negate the risks for your franchise, whether in business deals or dangerous treasure extractions. And sure, working on the credulous and the desperate is sometimes part of the plan. But when you do it, it’s done with professional flare.
¶ Enchantment
Trust. Community outreach. Social awareness. These things are important to every business, and as an enchanter, it’s your job to ensure that your Acquisitions Incorporated franchise is synonymous with these concepts. Whether they’re actually present in the franchise or not. When it comes down to it, having friends is an equally valuable asset in adventuring and business, and being able to turn enemies, rivals, and angry mobs into friends even for a short while can make a difference.
¶ Evocation
As an evoker, you understand the wisdom of the adage, “Speak softly and carry a big wand.” As a member of Acquisitions Incorporated, you also know that the speaking softly part is entirely optional, contractually speaking. When your franchise needs firepower, you bring the damage and spread it in flashy, dramatic fashion. This works out great in the dungeon, and sometimes even at outdoor social events that don’t feature a lot of flammable buildings nearby. In the boardroom or the council chamber, your skills are likely in less demand, but just knowing you’re there can help keep the noble or the business magnate across the table fully engaged. Because as long as you are there, they know they’re safe from having you burning their holdings to the ground.
¶ Illusion
Success in business, as in combat, can often hinge on split-second decisions. As an illusionist, you have mastered the art of confounding the senses, leaving enemies, rivals, and customers uncertain as to what’s real and what isn’t. Once you convince those around you that they can’t trust what they see or hear, that’s a perfect opportunity to give them your preferred version of what’s going on. Whether it’s obscuring contracts, concealing incursions, or manifesting imaginary staff members to take the fall for your partners’ misdeeds, your magic helps put the best possible illusory face on your franchise.
¶ Necromancy
As a necromancer, you’ve always had an easy time making friends. Hah! That’s hilarious because your friends are undead. But not everyone else in your franchise sees the lighter side of your magical craft. Clearly, the labor-to-paid-benefits ratio of undead interns can’t be beat, but you need to be cognizant of the potential public-relations nightmare of franchise-branded zombies running amok. Still, if things get bad, there’s nothing like a general marketing campaign reminding local folk that necromancy means raise dead. Even if you can’t cast it.
¶ Transmutation
As a transmuter, you practice one of the most subtle forms of magic—the transfiguration of one material substance into another. But let’s be honest, your role in your franchise is going to be mostly about combat and ability buffs, and, “Hey, why haven’t you learned how to turn lead into gold yet?” You take it in stride, though, because you understand that the long game is entirely about you. This franchise needs to be transformed from a chaotic mishmash of dysfunctional personalities and clashing goals into a well-tuned engine of commerce. And no one does transformation quite like you do.
¶ War Magic
Success in business requires prudent caution and take-charge offense in equal measure. As a war mage, your focus on abjuration and evocation is thus a good fit for success. Many war mages feel it their duty to waste their lives (sometimes literally) on the battlefield. But you specialize in the more subtle conflicts of the marketplace, where you can take your skills to a whole new level. You cast spells under pressure, never blinking in the face of death or financial ruin. And when it’s necessary, you can blow up an adversary like nobody’s business. Just make sure your franchise’s collateral damage insurance is all up to date.